Wednesday, December 17, 2014

An open letter to Peter Jackson about 'Five Armies' (minor spoilerish)

Oh Peter Jackson.

       I've said that the book and the appendices to Return of the King had enough material to flesh out and make three excellent movies. And I still think there is.
       And individually, the first two movies didn't bother me. Yes, there was a little bloat. But the Hobbit is a more relaxed and episodic story. The fate of the world isn't on the line, and hey, it started out as bedtime stories you told your kids, so being a little episodic made sense.
       And I really LIKED the addition of the Gandalf vs the Necromancer storyline! Seriously, it adds an explanation for what Gandalf is always up to when he disappears, and explains why Gandalf is involved with this dwarf quest in the first place.
        I went into the theatre last night expecting to be amazed. After all, you stopped Desolation of Smaug right where it was about to get amazing, so I figured, apparently the Laketown and Bard sections will take longer than I thought. I was wrong. You weren't planning on giving me bonus dragon, you were holding the payoff of the second movie hostage, cause you didn't think I'd want to come back for a third time if there was no dragon(oh how wrong you were).
         Instead, you made an inferior second movie, and ruined the story rise and fall of the third movie.
         The first 15 minutes of 'Battle of the Five Armies' was the ending of 'Desolation of Smaug', and then you had to have 2 hours of battle porn, for an ending that felt cheapened by your inability to be subtle. Which is weird, because when I think about the LotR, I think about all the subtle moments that make the movies great. What the hell were you thinking?
         I'm not going to say that you ruined the Hobbit, because the book remains the same (regardless what the moron in the men's bathroom says, there's not now a white Orc in JRR Tolkeins 'The Hobbit'), but you failed to achieve what I thought was inevitable: a satisfying finale to your Middle Earth career.


  1. I know, and I don't mind it myself... but this is a loooooong movie of battle porn, and short on what made the battle porn of 'The Two Towers' and even 'Return of the King' (to a degree) worthwhile.